1. |
Fuckboy Song
03:08
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The last time
I came around
You and I
And too much wine
We may have crossed a line
But I only ever wanted it because I knew I shouldn’t
Still went all the way and pretended it never happened
Been far too long
Got dazed somewhere along the line
Came undone
How’d you dare look at me with those eyes and smile
We may have lost our minds
But I only ever wanted it because I knew I shouldn’t
Still went all the way and pretended it never happened
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2. |
Parachute
03:58
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My brain cells are all fuzzy
Trying to connect the dots in some kind of hurry
I’ve lost it again
Striving to comprehend
The parachute is on my back but I can’t reach the cord
Nothingness overwhelming me, I am empty to the core
I’m swallowed up when I was so certain I’d escaped
Back to my breaking point all over again
Well shut me down, loading error
I’m like some old computer
Been stuck on 99%
Too powerful to process
The day’s getting colder
Can’t take this weight on my shoulders
The parachute is on my back but I can’t reach the cord
Nothingness overwhelming me, I am empty to the core
I’m swallowed up when I was so certain I’d escaped
Back to my breaking point all over again
Counting the days
To when I won’t be just another torn human
I won’t be just another torn human
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3. |
I Prayed For Peace
04:22
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I've said it once some time ago
I'll say it twice
Children your age aren't welcome in my playground
Mistakes followed by apologies
But apologies always followed by the next mistake
Worse than the one before
Tried to keep my sanity in check
By trying to see the good through your pores
And I prayed for peace last night but I couldn't sleep
As your crooked words resonated
Is that all I'm worth to you
Is that all I am to you
I'm sick of you acting mental
Blaming it all on the alcohol
Unleashing your impulses on my body
But I can only stop you from doing so silently
Silently, silently
And I prayed for peace last night but I couldn't breathe
Picturing your messed up fantasies
Is that all I'm worth to you
Is that all I am to you
And I prayed for peace last night
But I could feel you watching me
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4. |
Love Is Dead
05:24
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They call me a survivor
But I don’t know about that
I’ve lost the motions of feeling alive
He called it a mistake and apologised
But I still suffocate and silently howl at night
Thinking of the face he had, his hands on my neck
Whilst I shut my mouth
The lady on the phone called it self preservation
But I call it silent approval of destruction
Slow destruction, 4 years on and I still ache
While he parties out in the bar we met every weekend
I heard you were good at getting it
My friend Mathilde told me all about it
But I don’t wanna hear about it
And I swore to myself
No man would hurt me again
Love is dead
But I ain’t
Yet all these nights I wish I was
When I get flashbacks of your claws
The 3am texts I deleted for my own sake
How I fell for a boy who held your name
He never knew
Couldn’t talk so I just worked it through
When my body pressed against his started shaking that november night
I said that I was sorry, it just happens sometimes
And I swore to myself
No man would hurt me again
Love is dead
And I swore to myself
I would ditch your memory chains
Love is dead
But I ain’t
Shattered faith in your hands, in your hands
Lost the thread of my own lustfulness
You can’t break me
Can’t break me no more
And I swore to myself
No man would hurt me again
Love is dead
And I swore to myself
I would ditch your memory chains
Love is dead
But I ain’t
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5. |
||||
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Everything was going fine
I was taking you out for a bit of wine
I guess that’s what us people do in this town
Oh I’ve clearly been misreading the signs
And I found out the hard way
You pretty thing from the Clapton cafe
Oh I guess that I was wrong
Here’s my final reason to move on
I watched you with him slipping through my fingers
It’s becoming crystal clear right there as I linger
I’ll stay in my lane with no one to blame
I may have lost the flame but I’ll start all over again
With someone new
Just as I always do
And I found out the hard way
You pretty thing from the Clapton cafe
Oh I guess that I was wrong
Here’s my final reason to move on
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6. |
Interlude
02:10
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White walls never felt so cold
And I never liked the smell of hospital
I begged for them not to call
Get me out of here
I’ll be fine on my own
Swear I’m not crazy
Don’t want your medicine
It’s just been a bit tough lately
Don’t give me your benzos or sedatives
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7. |
After All
03:35
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owe you no explanation
No we didn’t just get lost in translation
Is it the cocaine that’s damaged your brain
I fell for it too but I’ve never abused
Of it, of you, of anyone
Stay away from me and everyone
After all
I made it out alright
In my fall
I did more than survive
You fled the country and I left it too
I could never bear the memory of you
I lost myself in the city then I lost it in the city
What if I’m the creator of my own misery
I’ve made it all up like you keep telling me
After all
I made it out alright
In my fall
I did more than survive
Damaged not broken
I’ve learned to read through the bullshit
Tired of second guessing
Shit that don’t need explaining
After all
I made it out alright
In my fall
I did more than survive
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8. |
Manchild
04:01
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I woke up in a haze
Picking up the pieces
Atypical Sunday
An empty chair in your favourite place
I'm just standing here
Wondering "how could I be so blind?"
Yet I've still got your silly puppy eyes on rewind
Is it in you to be honest?
Out of the blue with your bullshit excuses
I should have known it wouldn't be any different
I'm far from special and I can't fix the damaged
Home wrecker, I'm heartbroken
My anger is unspoken
Coward trying to fit in
My power doesn't just lie in between my
You got it I'm sure
Well you had it but you let it go
Now I've got your constant pathetic begging on the stereo
Is it in you to be honest?
Out of the blue with your bullshit excuses
I should have known it wouldn't be any different
I'm far from special and I can't fix the damaged
And I've got no time to be wasted by a manchild
And I swear I'm fine
Bit petty, bit upset, bit angry though no regret
And I've got no time to be wasted by a manchild
And I swear I'm fine
Bit petty, bit upset, bit angry
Is it in you to be honest?
Out of the blue with your bullshit excuses
I should have known it wouldn't be any different
I'm far from special and I can't fix the damaged
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9. |
Deafening
03:48
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Time pass by
Feel so long
Where do I belong?
Reach so high
Don’t know if I can hold
Onto the thing we call home
This is deafening
And I don’t wanna hear that anymore
Close my eyes
See the space I could
Live in the way that I should
Setting sights
To only slip away
Leading me astray
This is deafening
You keep reviving
And I won’t be that person anymore
We both know how to let go
But it’s a case of never being so clear
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10. |
Out Of The Woods
07:12
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Navigated through the highs and lows
I’ve run out of new ways to numb the pain
I’m just trying to catch up with the flow
Of keeping my head up and straight
I keep praying that it’s not too late
But these familiar thoughts keep me awake
I keep telling myself time and again
Just quit it with the overthinking
Who knows for how long it’ll last
Pulling on my hair like a child picks up the grass
Been telling myself that as always I’ll be fine
But I think I’m going mad
I think I’m losing my mind
There’s screams in my head and your poison in my veins
Still I can’t comprehend my constant anxious state
I’ve been trying to convince myself that
I might forgive you someday
God I’m only human, but I won’t make that mistake
Who knows for how long it’ll last
Pulling on my hair like a child picks up the grass
Been telling myself that as always I’ll be fine
But I think I’m going mad
I think I’m losing my mind
I’m sorry mum I thought I’d been cured for good
Been trying hard but I’m not quite out of the woods
I promise you I really believed that I could
break out of that mental state from my teenage-hood
Who knows for how long it’ll last
Pulling on my hair like a child picks up the grass
Been telling myself that as always I’ll be fine
But I think I’m going mad
I think I’m losing my mind
I think I’m losing my mind
I think I’m losing my mind
I think I’m losing my mind
I think I’m going mad
I think I’m losing my mind
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11. |
Bristol
03:52
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Wanted to live by the sea
Seagulls waking me in the morning
Smell of fresh coffee
Something out of a Wes Anderson movie
So I decided to go
After three years of London making me feel small
Sounds cliché I know
Turns out I have a taste for the unknown
I’ve found it again
Peace with myself
I’m done playing pretend
I think I’m on the mend at last
At last
Settled for an in-between
Met you by the canal
Oh I fell into the arms of the unexpected
Never minded his fingers down my spine
I love hearing people laughing on Baldwin Street
And the sea might be quite a few miles West
But I still wake up to seagulls at sunrise
I’ve found it again
Peace with myself
I’m done playing pretend
I think I’m on the mend at last
At last it’s all turned out alright
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